


Bisexual Disaster Peter Parker

by slytherintrashlord



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, Celebrity Crush, Crushes, F/M, First Crush, Gen, High School Student Peter Parker, Human Disaster Peter Parker, M/M, Precious Peter Parker, Sexuality Crisis, Teen Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-01 18:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19183462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherintrashlord/pseuds/slytherintrashlord
Summary: Peter Parker is a hot mess. A Disaster Gay, if you will. An Idiot Bisexual.This story is snippets of our favorite dumb teen superhero being bi and having too many feelings.Featuring scenes such as: Peter figuring out he swings both ways (pun intended and will keep happening), Peter thinking he's in love a lot and having too many feelings, Peter bonding with some superheroes over being queer, pride parades, and more!! I'll add more tags when I actually know what else to tag!!Inspired by Pride Month, the distinguished/functional/disaster queer alignment chart, and every light-hearted soft Peter fic that has ever made me laugh.





	1. Peter hasn't been thinking straight, like, ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy pride month 20-bi-teen! 🌈

Peter Parker figured out he was bisexual at the tender age of fourteen. He never really had a crush on anyone prior to that point, just a little too wrapped up in science, superheroes, and Legos to really care about relationships. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Peter knew he had seen a few girls that he thought were cute, he guessed, but nobody was really worth getting all flustered about.

In the fall of his freshman year, despite being a few months into the semester, Peter still hadn’t managed to shake the nervous energy of starting high school quite yet. Luckily it seemed as though most of his classmates felt the same, judging by the fact that there were at least a dozen other students already at their desks when Peter shuffled into his English class one Thursday, making his way toward his alphabetically assigned desk. On his way, he scooted around Sally Avril, who was chatting to Cindy Moon about… puppies? Taking his seat, he rifled through his backpack for his cell phone, prepping to feed his cats on Neko Atsume. Abruptly, he heard the tinny voices of Sue and Johnny Storm resume playing out of Cindy’s iPhone and stopped his search.

He, like most teens, had been following all of the press updates on the latest YA novel craze turned film adaptation. The franchise was surprisingly not a dystopian tale, but rather a fantasy “chosen one” story with a pair of siblings. Peter had voraciously consumed the book when it came out a few years prior and was pleasantly surprised when two virtual unknowns were announced to be the protagonists. He knew some fans were hoping for specific actors to play the leads (and these people were very vocal about their distaste). Despite all the hate, every interview Peter had seen so far from the brother and sister showed them being genuinely kind people. He loved watching the duo’s antics, delighting in the easy way they would banter back and forth only as people who have known each other their whole lives can.

Peering in between Cindy and Sally, Peter realized he hadn’t seen this interview yet. Leaning forward, he addressed his classmates. “Is that a new interview with the Storm siblings?”

Sally was quick to answer. “Yeah, it just came out! It’s that new format where they interview people holding puppies. Oh my god - Parker. Please settle this and tell Cindy she’s wrong! The celebrities are the best part of the interview, and the puppies are just cute props!”

“Oh My God, Sally, I cannot believe you just said that puppies were props!”

Uncomfortable to be put in the middle of their debate, Peter hesitantly replied. “Can I see the video first?” 

“Sure, Peter”, and with a smile, Cindy handed the phone over to him and continued her argument with Sally.  
Peter tapped the screen and the YouTube video began playing where they had left off, about 3 minutes in. Just as Peter was about to drag the cursor back to the start of the video, he saw something on the screen that made his heart stutter in its tracks. 

Whatever had been said prior must have been a joke in Sue’s expense, because she immediately blushed a beautiful crimson and hid behind the closest puppy. Johnny, on the other hand, practically erupted with laughter, throwing his head back with euphoria.

In his mirth, a tenacious tiny puppy was inexplicably drawn to him. Tail wagging, the young pup began an adorable attempt to paw her way up the source of jubilation’s lap. Picking up the puppy with careful hands, Johnny looked down at the young dog with such an immense fondness Peter’s breath hitched. Letting out a sharp exhale, Peter said only two involuntary, hushed words.

“Oh no.”

 

 

 

That’s when Peter realized he had a huge crush on Johnny Storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all enjoyed chapter one - I have at least 7 little chapters of our fav bisexual planned out in my brain for this. If anyone has any requests of LGBTQ+ headcanons or interactions you wanna see, let me know!! Pride Month means representation babey!!
> 
> I’m not a writer by any means (I don’t think I have written for fun in over ten years??) but this was an elaborate brain-fantasy I had. Since there isn’t nearly enough content about my favorite disaster bi, peter parker, (there needs to be so much) I figured screw it, let’s write it down and see what happens!!
> 
> Any constructive criticism is always welcome, but please be kind! Honestly y’all, you’d think after years of reading books/fanfic I’d know how to write dialogue, but that shit is DIFFICULT. I agonized over making it sound normal for AGES. I also love a good comma (dramatic pause for the dramatic queer), so there’s probably way too many in here but I don’t care! Drop me a comment & say hi!!
> 
> Here’s some background info/facts for the chapter because I’m a giant dork for fic research!! This chapter takes place in the fall of 2015, so in the MCU timeline Ultron and Ant-Man have just occurred. Peter is 14 in this first chapter, Sue is 18 and has just moved out to California with Reed (who is not that much older than Sue, no creepiness here), and Johnny is 14-15! I’ve got some thoughts about Sue and Johnny & why they are doing a movie but all you need to know is that they aren’t superheroes yet!


	2. Peter might have been in madly in love this whole time

Peter Parker is totally freaking out, and he has no one to talk to about it. 

He’s been freaking out for the better part of a week, and it’s all because of the stupid morning show, Midtown News. On Monday, Jason did a report that Valentine’s Day was coming up on Sunday, and if you have “any repressed feelings for any of your friends or classmates, you better confess by Friday so you don’t spend Valentine’s Day totally alone!”

Peter still hadn’t managed to put the correct year on his assignments yet (they all had an awkward attempt to turn a 5 into a 6 gracefully), so he definitely didn’t realize the “holiday of love” was so close by. After his Bisexual Awakening of 2k15, his obsession with Johnny lasted until about the time the film came out. After the premiere, Johnny hadn’t made any public appearances, and as a result, Peter’s crush had sort of just faded out. 

He hadn’t really thought too much about relationships since, but now, thanks to Jason Ionello, he’s painfully aware that he’s very much alone.

 

Peter doesn’t want to be alone, but it just kind of happened that way.

 

 

The part that really started to bother Peter about the whole thing was how Jason said “repressed feelings for your friends”. What an utter cliche. Also, Peter doesn’t have friends, plural. All he has is Ned, and he definitely doesn’t have a crush on Ned... right?

Cue Peter’s week long panic session. Plenty of people over the years (but mostly Flash) had made jokes about Peter and Ned being boyfriends. They always brushed it off, because they weren’t interested in each other like that. But now Peter wasn’t sure, and that had him stressing.

He definitely didn’t realize he had a massive crush on Johnny until he was already face first into adoration for the guy, so who’s to say he’s not in love with his best friend? He certainly likes Ned as a person, far more than anyone else he goes to school with.

 

He supposes that he could talk to his Aunt May and try to figure it out with her, but as cool as she was about his sexuality, May teased him for weeks about Johnny. So he knew he couldn’t just up and ask her, “Hey, how can you tell if you are totally in love with your best friend or if you’re just in love with them platonically?”

For a brief moment. he considered going the “I have a hypothetical question” route and asking Ned, then swiftly ruled that out because, duh, Ned wasn’t stupid and Peter was shit at lying.

 

So Peter frets about it all week, barely getting any sleep and just generally being very grumpy. On Thursday though, he power naps through a movie in class and has a revelation - he just needs to think about the problem the way he knows best: through the lens of science.  
After school, he goes home and gets out his laptop, a notebook, and a pen and begins to write out his ‘lab report’, talking to himself as he goes through the process. “Okay Parker, step one: the question. Obviously, your question is ‘Am I in love with my best friend?’ The hypothesis is tricky. Let’s go with a positive hypothesis, and try to prove it wrong.” 

“Now for the experiment… there’s gotta be some sort of quiz on the internet for this.”

Heading to Google, he does a quick search and finds that there are, in fact, “Quiz[es] to see if you’re in love with someone”. Peter clicks on the Buzzfeed quiz first and takes the aptly named “Love Test”. Twenty questions later and Peter has his first test results.

“You scored a 2/60 for infatuation.” the quiz says, “If you took this quiz with a crush in mind, your score means you're not entirely head over heels for them.”

Peter sighs with relief. He knows though that to be a good scientist you have to have multiple trials in order to prove the results. Dutifully copying down the outcome of the first quiz, Peter then goes back to Google to find two additional sources.

Thankfully, both quizzes confirm the previous data, and a bubble of laughter erupts from him at how silly it is to be writing up a lab report for feelings. Still, Peter Parker is nothing if not thorough, which is why a conclusion is penned out at the end of the lab report.

 

> The hypothesis for this experiment was that Peter Parker was in love with his best friend Ned Leeds. My results of the testing do not support my hypothesis. All quizzes taken gave negative results on their respective “crush scales” and to avoid a margin of error, a sample pool of three quizzes was deemed appropriate after finding that most other quizzes were very heteronormative.

 

* * *

 

About a month later, Ned is sleeping over at Peter’s apartment one weekend, just before their freshman science field trip. The duo is equally excited about skipping school and learning about their favorite subject, but they are less excited about the written report required for the field trip. They have to write an essay about their experience, citing sources and including information about the facility. 

Ned had the idea to work on their research portion beforehand to make it a bit easier, Peter suggested a sleepover to make it at least kind of fun, so there they were doing homework on a Saturday night. As they worked, they shared their notes with each other.

In a combination of Peter being stupid and forgetting to throw things away, and sheer dumb Parker luck, of course the notebook Peter is using is the same one that contains his fake lab report from Valentine’s.

Not even 30 minutes into the study session Ned finds the page, and looks at Peter with an indecipherable look on his face. 

Peter totally freaks out, again.

“Honestly Peter, how dare you.” Peter can’t speak.

 

 

“I’m a fucking catch! Rude!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then Ned throws a pillow in Peter's face and vows to never let him live this down.
> 
> Actual Buzzfeed quiz from January 2016 can be found here: [ x](https://www.buzzfeed.com/kellyoakes/the-buzzfeed-love-test)  
> I actually took the quiz with Peter and Ned in mind - the quotes you see are directly from the quiz! (They got a 54/60 for the attachment portion, because besties).
> 
> And yes, the upcoming science trip spoken about is the infamous spider-bite one!! This chapter takes place a few months before Civil War, for timeline purposes! I just want to say that I think that peter/ned is so cute, but for this fic I really wanted to emphasize the struggle queer people can have trying to figure out if they actually like someone or if they are just good friends (especially after first coming out)!!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has read this fic so far and left kudos!!


	3. Peter probably needs to work on his awareness skills

Peter has had one heck of a year so far, and it’s only June.

He’s been on the wildest science field trip, attended his second funeral, and went on his first ever airplane ride all in a couple of months. He now owns a supersuit built by the one and only _Tony Stark_ , who said he was going to call _Peter_ for superhero stuff. He hasn’t heard anything yet, but maybe Mr. Stark knew he had end-of-the-year exams and didn’t want to bother him.

It’s summer now though, so Peter is expecting to hear something from Mr. Stark soon. In the meantime, he spends as much time as he can swinging around the city as Spider-Man, doing what he can to help out. He can’t spend too much of his time out as Spider-Man though, otherwise Aunt May might start asking questions, and Peter is shit at lying.

The rest of his time is spent training for Academic Decathlon. Their new team captain is making everyone go to weekly study sessions over the summer, because she really wants to win the competition in her final year. Some of the team begrudgingly attends, but Peter kind of enjoys practice. It makes for a good Spider-Man excuse to May if he says he’s gone to the library to study his facts.

Some of those times he actually is at the library - in addition to quiz practice, Liz wants everyone to present a report on their individual specialties to the team. Current events can come up during the final competition, so it’s important to stay up to date on news topics in all fields. In two weeks, it's Peter’s turn to present on something in the science field. He's thinking of doing a project on the most recent nuclear physics findings from a prominent scholar, Dr. Octavious, but he isn't sure yet. This week the category was political events, Michelle’s area of expertise. 

Michelle chose to research the Sokovia Accords, legislation that most people around the world still only had a vague understanding of. The United Nations released a heavily redacted version of the text, but it was accessible at a government level only. After many emails, phone calls, and personal visits to the senator’s office however, Michelle was allowed to view the Accords for educational purposes only.

During each student presentation, the team was supposed to take notes on the topic to study from. Throughout this one, Peter found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the PowerPoint presentation for long enough to do so. Based on the signatures on the document that Michelle listed, he knew this had to be the source of the fight in Berlin. A fight that he was, apparently, on the wrong side for.

If Peter supported the Accords, he wouldn’t be able to keep his secret identity a secret anymore. Heck, Peter’s not even sure he would be allowed to be Spider-Man anymore. If Spider-Man was classified as a vigilante, he could go to prison indefinitely, without a trial. Yikes.

The whole presentation kept running through Peter’s head all week as he swung through the streets of Queens. 

He hadn’t even been told the Accords were the reason for the fight, let alone what was in them. All Mr. Stark had said was that Captain America was dangerous, because he thought he was right, and that he wasn’t. Peter felt lied to - but he also felt like it was his fault he was so gullible. He was so starstruck by one of his idols asking him ( _him!_ ) for help that he didn’t push when Mr. Stark brushed off his questions about the reason for the fight. He never imagined the fight was the result of something so serious.

After mulling it over for a few days, Peter didn’t think he was mad at Mr. Stark for withholding information. Maybe Mr. Stark didn’t realize what the Accords would mean for Spider-Man. Maybe he, just like Peter, didn’t know the whole story at the time.

The evening he came to this conclusion, only a few blocks away from his apartment, Peter touched down on a rooftop and panicked.

Spider-sense going wild, he swiftly looked around for an unknown foe, or maybe a stray cat with claws.

“Good instincts you got there, little spider, but I’m not here to harm you,” a voice, seeming to come from nowhere spoke out.

A voice that Peter recognized as the Black Widow. 

  
  
“Holy shit, you’re the Black Widow.”

“Yes, and you’re Peter Parker.” Stepping into the light, hands raised, the Black Widow approached him. 

Dressed plainly in dark street clothing with blonde hair, Peter almost wouldn’t have recognized her.

Registering her words, Peter sputtered a weak, “What, no, pft, who’s that? I’m Spider-Man.”

“Маленький паучок, you are terrible at lying. Please don’t try to lie to an international assassin again. I’m not here to expose you - I was the one that found you for Tony, you know.”

Peter gave a sigh of relief. “Oh? Oh, thanks Ms. Widow - uh er - I’m not exactly sure what name you’re going by now - Ms. Romanov? Romanova? Please stop me. I’m a big fan.”

With a slight smile, Natasha cut off his ramblings. “You’re sweet. You can call me Natalia, for now. Have you been in contact with Tony since Berlin? I see you’re still doing the vigilante thing, so I’m assuming you haven’t signed the Accords.”

“Uh, no ma’am, I haven’t spoken to Mr. Stark. I think he’s been pretty busy with the braces for Colonel Rhodes - it was on the news the other day. And no, I haven’t been asked to sign the Accords, but I don’t think I would want to sign anyway, no offense. Oh my gosh, I’m so stupid! Are you alright? Do you need anything? I can’t let you stay at my apartment cause my Aunt doesn’t know about the whole Spider thing but I can give you some food or cash? I probably have like 20 dollars in change in my piggy bank right now, I’ve been saving up.” As Peter spoke, his words gained in velocity. Thankfully, Natasha had a lot of experience translating petrified babbling.

“I’m alright, little spider, all I needed is information from you. I happened to be in town, as a sort of delivery liaison for Steve, and wanted to meet you for myself. See your character, if you were genuine in your kindness. You’re doing good work for this city, you know.” 

A voice that sounded too weary and too tired for someone so young came out of the mask in response.

“Sometimes, it never feels like I’m doing enough.”

“I asked around about you today - met a couple of people who say that you saved their lives. Seems like you’re doing just fine to me.” Clasping his shoulder, and leaning down to be at eye level with him, Natasha continued, “But how about this... next time I’m in town, we’ll do a training session. Get you prepped for the big leagues. That way you’ll be able to “do enough” when the time comes, alright?”

The teen nodded, and Natasha turned to take off. At the edge of the building, she looked back to deliver a parting message. “I already put a burner phone in your room - after checking it for any listening or recording devices. I’ll contact you when I can. See you soon, Маленький паучок." 

With that said, the Black Widow vanished into the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title for this piece was "Peter learns to do the tarantella" as a combo joke of spider puns & the tarantella in _A Doll's House_. The play is because for SOME reason all of my dialogue wanted to come out only in script form. I procrastinated publishing this chapter because I couldn't figure out how to write the actual action that the characters were doing to further the plot?? And not just stage directions??
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this and leaving kudos and even some bookmarks since last time!! This chapter takes place summer 2016, after Civil War and before Homecoming. It's got some anti-accords talk in it, which I felt was necessary to continue on with where I'm going with this story. Natasha needed to know if he supported them and would turn her in, so we had to talk about them!
> 
> The Russian in this chapter is, of course, "little spider". The errand Nat speaks of is hiring Stan to deliver the burner phone to Tony!! The prisoners of the Raft are being broken out roughly at the same time this chapter takes place. Oh, and the funeral mentioned is Ben's - left intentionally vague since we don't know anything about the details for the MCU films.


End file.
